Finding (and changing) the things I CAN control….

A lot of things in our lives are within our control.  Sure, many aren’t, but when pressed to think very hard about what stresses me out, I was able to come up with a LONG list of changes I can (relatively) easily make to improve my emotional health and help me recover from my PTSD.

The change that feels the most HUGE is that I’m letting go of my photography business.  I’ve come to realize over the past year or so that it’s the biggest source of stress in my life.  This decision has been VERY hard because I’ve put in over five years of HARD WORK and many, many hours that I CANNOT GET BACK.  But outside of my worries about Katie’s health it truly IS the biggest source of stress in my life and it’s not giving much back to me (I’m hardly getting rich…quite the contrary…and it’s become amazingly competitive now that nearly everyone can do it).  My sweet and understanding hubby has encouraged me to keep my gear and equipment so I can still do what I love to do, but for fun.  I have a handful of vouchers from BuyWithMe to fulfill but beyond that, Castles & Cupcakes is no more.  It’s bittersweet in a way, but it feels good to end this stressful experience and recover that time and emotional energy for something else.  I think I’ve tried to keep myself extra-busy to avoid dealing with the things that haunt me . . .thus the very difficult (especially for my personallity) and time-consuming home business.  Being an over-thinker, I’ve had some difficulties regretting all the “wasted” time I’ve invested (forgetting even the money) but I’m also working on looking forward and not back, so I keep myself in check.

Since making this one change, I’ve spent my days happily crafting with the little kids, enjoying outings and doing more of the things I’ve always wished I had time for.

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